BexGD - Images and Words

She never slept. Oh, she would close her eyes for a few minutes at a time, but mere eyelids couldn’t block the gaze of what was inside. It was killing her; no, I have to admit to myself that it was forcing her to stay alive, the ultimate rape, a parasite not a symbiont, the choice was never hers. Never slept, but ate ravenously; such a fragile thing, my mother, piling her plate with food, forgoing the use of tableware in favor of hands outstretched, clutching, wanting this or that, eating, feeding, the meat practically jumping up to meet her hand as it reached out, the bread skittering across the table, growing legs, eyes forming on long stalks on the vegetables, I saw it, peering in from the window, I swear it MOVED, it wanted to be given to her, it wanted to be eaten, digested, used up, part of what was in her… my god… I don’t want to see this, she’s my MOTHER… make it stop…

Excuse me. Sometimes it…

She would jump at the slightest thing - the cat, stretching in the sunlight pouring in through the window; my father walking past her chaise to get to his library; the sound of my foot breaking a twig a mile away. No, you heard correctly. Her heightened senses, she… they…

The day I ran, it knew.

“Ada, don’t wander too far.”

Those words… I can hear them still, as though she were behind me again, suspiciously peering out from her bedroom door. Even when she took ill and was bedridden, they would emanate from her with a ghostly hollowness, the effort of trying to speak sending her into a fit of coughing, spewing up grotesque, unnatural blackness. There, I’m teetering on that edge of truth-falsehood again. Ill? No illness can cause what I saw changing in her. It was as though something was eating her alive from the inside, growing, changing her into… remember what I said about ignorance?

But no illness keeps someone alive for that long.

From the beginning, I was an adventurous child, always exploring, always wondering what lay over the next hill. Was it because I sought to escape her eyes, to see how far I could push before she sent my father to find and scold me? I’d like to say that she didn’t hold that kind of power over me, but I’d also like to tell the truth. Because truth is everything, isn’t it? And yet… well, if we know we lie to ourselves, how can we begin to trust others?

I remember playing dress-up, looking in the mirror, thinking I was beautiful like her. I would put on her treasured necklace and pretend to sit upon a throne. Her most valuable possession, more precious than anything to her. The necklace, I mean, not me - never think it. She would have used me as a ransom if it had ever been taken; I know this now. I remember she insisted on being in the room with me as I played, and as naive as I was, I believed it was because she was proud of her little girl. I never noticed the way her eyes never left that glistening pendant.

Look into it, but don’t get lost. Can you see? Worlds swirling within a globe, infinite stars, space and time somehow interlocked in a dance, a trance, trapped in something no bigger than a marble, and… something else. Ahhh yes, you’ve found it, I can see it in your eyes. The red glow creeping in around that planet doesn’t look quite safe, does it? Look away, quickly now. No, I don’t know what caused it, or even what it is. They say ignorance is bliss, and I was as blissful a child as you’d ever see.

In a child’s eyes, parents can do no wrong, isn’t that the way? Until we learn the truth.

Made it to Birmingham in roughly one piece. I have henceforth decided that I don’t like moving and would prefer not to do it again, at least not for a few more years. This whole moving-every-two-years thing is just not for me. But I’m here finally, learning my way around, looking for a job, and opening box after box after box. I’m finding things I forgot I owned. It may be time for a garage sale… hmmm, I wonder if apartment complexes allow people to have patio sales…

Just writing a quick note to pimp my friend’s blog over at www.studlessj.com - check him out!

I’m watching The Core on FX right now. Why, you ask? I’d like to know the same thing. It is SO BAD. The acting… the premise… the lack of science… The only good thing that has come out of watching this movie is that I finally found out when National Treasure 2 comes out on DVD. Three more days! Yes, Nick Cage can’t act. But you know what? Somehow I don’t mind that so much. He can at least make fun of himself.

Saw two other movies in the last few days - Gone Baby Gone, and Breach. Both were very good, neither was outstanding though. I’d recommend either. Gone Baby Gone presented a nice moral dilemma; I’m not really sure where I even stand on it. Breach was just an interesting all-round espionage movie. I’ve always liked Chris Cooper, and I was fairly impressed with Ryan Philippe.

You know what’s really good? Sonic strawberry shakes. Also their chocolate malted shakes. I mean, dayum. I can’t believe something so tasty comes from a fast-food place!

Blog is up and running! I even changed the theme around a little bit. Nothing fancy, just a photo of mine and a nice clean background.

More to come later! Yay for my first entry!